'I was a scavenger once': A Holy Week reflection

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I’ve been a scavenger once in my life.

My family doesn’t know about this, except my sister. Only a couple of friends heard this story.

I am sharing this not to gain sympathy but to inspire anyone who feels down in life. I know how it feels to be there, with nothing left, and I know that from that point, only when you work harder and dream bigger, there is nowhere else to go but up.

This is a pretty long read, so buckle up. I promise you that you will learn something from this.

It was about ten years ago when this happened. Maybe it was partly my fault. I was new in my job and my pay was just enough for the rent, my daily commute, and basic food. Jollibee was a luxury for me then. Sometimes, I’d just walk to and from the office to save for my other important expenses.

It was a long weekend, it was Holy Week, so mostly everyone was out of the city. Manila was a ghost town then. During that time, it was petsa de peligro – meaning, the salary was yet to come. I had no money.

Because of pride, I did not call my parents or ask for help from my relatives. I did not want them to know that I was suffering, that I was getting hungry. I needed to put up a strong facade. That someone like me cannot fail.

Looking back, those things shaped me to be what I am today. Those stories and experiences shaped my current view of the world. Of how I see the value of pakikipagkapwa-tao, of understanding other people, of helping and empowering other people. That it is important to always thank the people who helped us. That it is important to always pay forward.

I survived on junk food and cigarette for the first few days. Supplies slowly got depleted. Then I started taking in glasses and glasses of water together with three-for-two-pesos White Rabbit candy as my energy source. On the fifth day, a Black Saturday, I had nothing left.

I went down from my rented room and took a walk, trying to find a place where I could get food. I passed by some karinderya but I was too shy to ask. My head was spinning and my stomach revolting. I thought my eyes were about to pop out then. I was so thin and frail like a skeleton walking in the night. I went home with no food, I thought I’d go to bed hungry. I thought I can just sleep off my hunger.

I felt hopeless.

From his initial struggles, Ken is now a marketing professional.

Just before getting inside my cramped, dark room, I saw something shining in the garbage bin. It was the tin wrapper of Mars chocolate thrown by another boarder. My hunger became unbearable but my mind resisted. I cannot pick that up. I cannot be a scavenger. I was not ready to lose my pride. People back home, back in school, back in my old community looked up to me.

I stooped. Then I picked up the black and silver wrapper. The red and gold Mars name was so vivid, so alive. I started to scoop what was left in that wrapper. Chocolate crumbs, caramel marks. That time, I felt that my dignity slowly oozed out of my being, it melted like wax and flowed down to the rubbish bin in front of me.

I could not remember if I cried that night but I remember that I promised myself not to do it again.

I have been through many things in my life. The follies of my youth. My lack of planning, my laziness, my pride, my foolishness, my rebellion, my thwarted sense of the world. I have so many stories to tell, some of them very embarrassing that sometimes I cannot believe that I’ve been through them. Most of the time, my story is about poverty and the struggle to survive.

Looking back, those things shaped me to be what I am today. Those stories and experiences shaped my current view of the world. Of how I see the value of pakikipagkapwa-tao, of understanding other people, of helping and empowering other people. That it is important to always thank the people who helped us. That it is important to always pay forward.

I met people along the way, some were good, and some were not so good. They helped shape my character. There were friends, there were friends who left me, there were friends who made me laugh despite the harrowing experiences, there were friends who stayed quiet and stood still beside me. Those experiences helped me to find out who I really am and urged me to be friends with myself. It is always important to be friends with our own selves, trust me.

Today, life is a little better. Of course, the struggle is still there, it will never be gone. Every time I feel slow and low, I remind myself that I have gone so far and it’s not the best time to quit. There is no other way but to move forward, no other way but to move up.

I need to constantly work harder, I need to be better. I need to live life with a grateful heart.

One of my life goals is to inspire people. And tell them that things will be ok. It is not fate — it is our own decision, with the help of good people, and the power from up above that will change things for us. We have the choice, we will always have a choice.

As my mother would always remind us when we were younger, life is what you make it.

I am not perfect. I never will be. I just want to tell stories that will help other people to consider changing their minds and attitudes.

Life is too short to wallow in the mud. We need to look up, we need to move forward. Let us walk together.

And to you who feel down and low, trust me, it’s just the waiting station. Take the bus that will take you to the destination you have always dreamed of. Kaya mo ‘yan.